FASHION EMERGENCY

My teenagers call me a fashion emergency. Actually, that's not quite true. They used to call me a fashion emergency. These days, no words are necessary. I can tell they disapprove of my wardrobe as soon as I walk in the room.

My 17-year-old daughter raises her eyebrows and gives the look to my 13-year-old daughter who is chewing her lip across the room. My 19-year-old son knows something is up – but he's learned from his dad that it's much easier to keep his mouth shut. He usually looks out the window.

"What's the problem?" I'll ask – in an effort to spare further humiliation.

"It's just those shoes..." says my eldest daughter, "and I mean that skirt is so last century."

Last century! Does she mean 1999?

"And Mom, what were you thinking when you put on that shirt," says my youngest. "It's like ten sizes too big."

Actually, she could be right because just like a department store, I should have those little size rings in my closet – "8, 10, 12, none of your business." Without my reading glasses – I'm never sure what size I end up with.

For many years, I ignored their rolling eyes – chalking it up to too many American Eagle commercials. But recently, while preparing to attend a professional conference, I was feeling a little "frumpy" - and decided to ask my daughters to help me update my look. Little did I know the experience was going to resemble an episode of the "What Not to Wear" reality television show.

We began in the tiny walk-in closet I "share" with my husband. (Actually, he has only 30% of the space but I am the one who never has anything to wear.) In less than 15 minutes, the girls had informed me of the myriad fashion faux pax I was making and outlined a set of rules.

1. Don't pull your pants and skirts up too high on your waist. (I tried to explain that after giving birth to three children, it was impossible to accurately locate my waist.)


2. Never, ever, let your socks peek out of your tennis shoes.


3. One word. Stillettos. (To which I added two words. Broken ankle.)


4. Stop thinking everything has to be "comfortable."
   

This last "rule" is what brought me to my senses. My teenagers may be up on the latest excruciating fashion trends – with nary a worry about future bunions – but I've already paid my fashion dues. Several decades ago -- with slippery Danskin wrap-around skirts, polyester pantsuits and platform shoes to rival those still worn by Elton John.

I've earned the right to wear comfy arch-supporting shoes and elastic waists if I choose. Fashion emergency or not.